Home > Two Shall Enter ... > Katy’s Year in Books – A Roast

Katy’s Year in Books – A Roast

Author’s Note: This post is for entertainment purposes only.

Did you know it’s been a year since this intrepid reader asked a certain book reviewer what she thought of a certain new (at the time) title featuring aliens? Not knowing this reader’s tastes leaned towards Asimov, Clarke, and Tolkien, the devious reviewer wholeheartedly endorsed what turned out to be a Twilight-esque ‘romance’ with zero science fiction elements whatsoever, a book so terrible it actually makes Twilight look good in comparison. Of course, that reviewer was Katy and that title was Obsidian, and the rest is history.

You might ask why Katy and I keep discussing the Lux series when we actually agree on a lot of books. Well, the truth is, agreement is boring. Check out our recent discussion on Falling Kingdoms:

M: This book is making me drowsy.

K: I agree. I don’t think I’m gonna finish this tonight so it’s ok if you fall asleep.

(M falls asleep sometime in the middle of a discussion of the economics of winemaking)

(K promptly lies, finishes the book, posts a review on GR, and goes to bed probably with a self satisfied smirk on her face)

(M finds out the next day when K tells him the blog needs a new post so hurry up and finish; why K doesn’t post her own review is a mystery)

Sometimes, Katy’s oddball tastes are harmless. Take this piece of evidence from her review of Smart Girls Get What They Want:

K: SQUEEEEE!!!!!

*shakes head* I encourage everyone to read the book and judge whether that is the appropriate response. Or just read the comments from other equally baffled readers. [K: I do want to make a note that I squeed with Smart Girls because that’s when we were arguing that it was a word and i just felt like using it. For you.]

But most of the time, it’s downright disturbing. From her review of Onyx:

K: HOLY ALIEN BABIES EVERYWHERE! You know how you get SO giddy that you’re running in place really fast squealing and then throwing yourself onto your bed screaming into your pillow? Yeah, that’s kind of what I’ve been doing throughout the whole book.

This is a book with eighteen chapters of absolutely no plot, and maybe three or four tops that I’ll generously categorize as being plot ‘development’ related. So the only thing she could possibly be gushing about is either her namesake and that asshole causing electronics to explode with their ‘chemistry’ (WTF!??!) or the two of them wet and standing very close to each other (I offered to demonstrate how this is not the least bit attractive but she promised to smack me if I tried).

Maybe it’s because she claims she’s more in tune with her emotions. From her review of Defiance:

K: What an awesome, awesome book [that] stirred so many emotions from me.

And later…

K: It was truly amazing to watch her grow as a character, from the hot-tempered red head who didn’t take anything at face value to the broken lost girl who suffered from so much heartache and grief to the determinedly resolved heroine who struggled to find not only revenge but also redemption.

Except… this is a book where the protagonist does nothing but whine about how awful her life is. Who thinks Katy falls for every sob story from every depressing social acquaintance ever?

And apparently, she also has a thing for villains who are more caricature than character.

M: I think Chase is a one-dimensional villain; all he does is act all evil and do evil things without any reasons.

K: I disagree. He’s not one dimensional because he’s always one step ahead of Logan and Rachel.

M: …

K: YOU are one-dimensional.

(M and K then go into a long discussion about the mechanics of emotional manipulation, the entirely of it being too boring to reprint here, but basically the gist of it is that K is a sucker for melodrama)

But sometimes, she surprises me. Take, for example, her review of The Lost Girl. That’s one book I’m glad Ms. ‘I love girly romances but that doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate a complex, emotional book if one were to hit me over the head. Repeatedly.’ and I have in common. (But I would encourage everyone to check out The Lost Girl, it’s that good.)

But you know what? A difference of opinion is what makes reading fun. Stephenie Meyer certainly hasn’t lost any money from guys like me saying her books are crap (they are), but I’m sure most of her fans are like Katy right now, laughing maniacally as I work my way through Opal bad mouthing the characters and ranting about how shitty the (nonexistent) plot is.

Special thanks for Katy for being a good sport about this. And letting me keep laughing at her over her review of Throne of Glass that tells me nothing about why she loves it (Celaena Sardothien is NOT a kickass assassin!!!! She’s just a big talker!!!)

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  1. December 19, 2012 at 10:09 am

    LOL!
    AND that’s why I love Katy…
    no-one sqeeee quite like her

    BUT no-one is ever going to beat you at being melodramatic– after reading this, i guess you have more in common than you know.

    (and even though i am not a fan of the lux series, i am grinning like a fool every time i think of you reading it. its so so so much fun to watch)

    • December 20, 2012 at 9:32 am

      “basically the gist of it is that K is a sucker for melodrama”

      Doesn’t this statement explain why I get along with Mitch? 😉

      • December 20, 2012 at 11:20 am

        yeah absolutely!! 😉

  2. December 19, 2012 at 6:51 pm

    Yes! I absolutely agree. It’s nice to have a difference of opinion on books. Plus it gives me ammunition to make fun of people who likes horrible books.

    Though many times I am also interested in why people like a certain book as such. I have one such book coming up I hope to hear from lovers soon. We shall soon see.

    • December 19, 2012 at 7:36 pm

      Oh? Which book coming up?

      The other half of making fun of people who like horrible books is being made fun of though, we always have to be prepared for that. (Katy if you’re reading this I’m ready.)

      • December 19, 2012 at 7:41 pm

        Yes, yes… it’s always a two way street…

        Valkyrie Rising by Ingrid Paulson, I’m going to have to put my mean face on when I write the review later tonight… On goodredas the reviews are all very nice and I just don’t see it.

        • December 19, 2012 at 10:29 pm

          I got the impression that book was another paranormal romance somewhere between generic and awful, good to know it’s closer to the latter.

          • December 21, 2012 at 4:12 am

            its another book i thought (just like FK) could be good… and my hopes were kinda shattered.

        • Lis
          December 20, 2012 at 12:46 am

          I started that book when it was released, but never got very far :/

          • December 20, 2012 at 12:51 am

            I can’t blame you.

          • lis
            December 20, 2012 at 6:52 am

            Were you able to post the review?? I’m curious to read your thoughts about it

            • December 20, 2012 at 11:56 pm

              Yes I was… You can click on my name to head over to my blog. It’s the first entry under book reviews. 😀 Katy quoted me down below…

        • December 20, 2012 at 11:02 pm

          ravenousbiblioworm :

          Valkyrie Rising by Ingrid Paulson, I’m going to have to put my mean face on when I write the review later tonight… On goodredas the reviews are all very nice and I just don’t see it.

          “My eyes rolled into the back of my head so many times and I was shaking with such irritation, my family thought I was having seizures and by the eighth time they wanted to take me to see a doctor and I wanted to go because I could have describe to the doctor in great detail what my telencephalon looked like.”

          LOL! OMG! Probably my favorite line in a negative review EVER!

      • December 20, 2012 at 9:37 am

        Mitch :

        The other half of making fun of people who like horrible books is being made fun of though, we always have to be prepared for that. (Katy if you’re reading this I’m ready.)

        Oh don’t worry… I’m kind of swamped right now, but you can be sure that I’ll enjoy writing yours. 😉

  3. December 19, 2012 at 10:12 pm

    “You know how you get SO giddy that you’re running in place really fast squealing and then throwing yourself onto your bed screaming into your pillow?”

    I will pay good money to see this happen.

    • December 20, 2012 at 9:33 am

      LOL. It happened.

      • December 20, 2012 at 11:13 am

        I want to see it for my Christmas present.

        • Lis
          December 20, 2012 at 5:12 pm

          Ow me too me too!!

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