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Review – The Shadow Girl by Jennifer Archer

The Shadow Girl by Jennifer Archer

The Shadow Girl

By: Jennifer Archer

Release Date: April 9, 2013

Rating: 1 Star

Summary: Sometimes I forget for an hour or two that she’s with me. Sometimes I convince myself that she was only a dream. Or that I’m crazy.

For as long as Lily Winston can remember, she has never been alone. Iris, a shadowy figure who mimics Lily’s movements and whispers in her ear, is with her always—but invisible to the rest of the world. Iris is Lily’s secret.

But when Lily’s father is killed in a tragic accident, his cryptic final words suggest that he and Lily’s mother have been keeping secrets of their own. Suddenly, Iris begins pushing Lily more than ever, possessing her thoughts and urging her to put together the pieces of a strange puzzle her father left behind. As she searches for answers, Lily finds herself drawn to Ty Collier, a mysterious new boy in town. Together, Lily and Ty must untangle a web of deception to discover the truth about her family, Iris . . . and Lily’s own identity.



Review:

The Shadow Girl may quite possibly be the most pointless thing I’ve ever read. In fact, my last three attempts at writing a coherent review were all derailed by just how much I dislike this book, so rather than start fresh with attempt number four, I think I’ll borrow Troy Steele’s psychologist and hopefully we’ll have something.

Doctor: Do you really hate The Shadow Girl that much?
Patient: Yeah…

Doctor: And why is that?
Patient: *gives Doc his best you’ve got to be kidding me look* Well, you see, there is no plot…

Doctor: *sets his pen aside as if genuinely interested in the patient’s answer* Surely you’re kidding. How can a 336 page book not have a plot?
Patient: I guess… *dismissively flips through the book again* I suppose there’s a plot. If by plot you mean a girl named Lily spending the vast majority of the book deciding whether or not she has romantic feelings for new guy Ty, while simultaneously feeling something for best friend slash neighbor Wyatt, but can I really call that a plot? I mean, these characters are so shallow even the ‘romance’ of the most infamous of angel or vampire paranormal looks good in comparison. It’s not even a love triangle! I mean, it’s obvious poor Wyatt doesn’t even stand a chance!

Doctor: *finally skims the summary, half bored* But it says here Lily has a secret named Iris, and her parents are keeping secrets, and she has to find the answers. What’s that about?
Patient: Oh, you mean Lily’s deep, dark secret? The one she doesn’t spend most of the book looking into? *takes deep breath, as if moments away from hyperventilating* Maybe I should ask you a question. Shadow Girl sucks as a paranormal romance. As a thriller, it simply doesn’t work. Who the heck would read this?

Doctor: We’re treating you. Don’t be difficult.
Patient:

Doctor: Let’s move on. Why don’t you describe Lily’s secret. The plot?
Patient: No no no. That’s not a plot. Don’t you see how contrived it is? Lily just happens to overhear her parents’ conversation, her father just happens to avoid telling her anything, and then he conveniently just happens to die in an accident? WTF?

Doctor: *waves hand dismissively* That’s just how the author chose to set up her book.
Patient: But it’s so cliche! Fine, maybe, but that’s not all. Lily’s mother knows the secret. The whole time! All she had to do was open her mouth and say three little words! Three little words that explains everything! Here, I’ll even say it cause it’s not even that hard to figure out from the couple of weak clues Archer drops along the way. Lily’s a c-
Doctor: Ah, some of us might still want to read this.
Patient: Hmmm. You sure? Where was I? Oh yeah, the entire plot beyond the romance is just the mom not saying anything! How can that be a plot? It’s just a waste of time!

Doctor: So you have a problem with Lily’s mother?
Patient: Yes! What kind of a mother tells her daughter the truth is not up for discussion? GAAAHHH!!! *takes deep breath* Ok, I got a quote here in my pocket:

”I’m your mother. You have to do what I say.”

That’s in response to Lily asking about what’s wrong with her. What kind of shitty parenting is that?

Doctor: *pointedly ignores the question* But I take it that’s not your only problem?
Patient: Well, no. Should I talk about the fact that Lily’s mom doesn’t even tell Lily the truth even after it’s obvious to everyone what Lily’s secret is? That she has to let Lily find out from someone else? Or the incredibly stupid thing Lily does to find out? Or that nothing of consequence happens after she finds out? So there was no point to Lily’s mom and her stubborn refusal to tell the truth except to drag out the book and conceal the fact that there’s no plot?

Doctor: *arches eyebrow* That’s quite a rant.
Patient: Yeah I know.

Doctor: So you feel better about the book?
Patient: Nah I still hate it. But I think I’m done.

Doctor: You forgot all the references.
Patient: Wrong patient. I don’t do those.

Ok, so I now feel a little better. But I still don’t like The Shadow Girl.


Go to Mitch’s review on Goodreads.

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